How to hold the faith when you start to freak out (gracefully)

I recently moved into a new apartment.

The first time I saw my apartment, it felt so right. Everything was perfect. It felt easy, it felt natural. I felt supported and guided.

So, I went for it.

But as it came closer to the time to move in, I could feel myself falling out of the good vibes. I was losing the good energy and starting to spiral into a pit of:

  • what if I just made a huge mistake
  • how can I afford this? am I insane?
  • I don’t belong here
  • this is just a dream, it’s not real

I started to question everything in my life and my future. I leaned into fear, lack, doubt, and self-pity.

And that is simply not the vibe I enjoy.

Every morning that first week in my apartment, I woke up feeling extremely out-of-body.

Even still, my entire schedule and sense of time feels a bit… disorganized.

So, I decided to do what I know best: put myself first.

I started back at the basics. First thing in the morning.

I began the task of rebuilding my morning routine by putting myself first.

Not work, not cleaning, not my phone or notifications – me. I get dressed, brush my teeth, and pop in my headphones to listen to the morning’s guided meditation. (Right now I’m going through the Chopra Center’s 21 Days of Abundance – overall, not bad!)

After the 15 minutes of meditation, I jump into the gym for a workout. No matter if it’s 15 minutes or 45, I’m so pleased to get it done. It feels so good to move first thing in the morning and get that fresh blood flow.

Then it’s shower, tea, and on with my day.

Morning routine: re-established. Yay!

But putting yourself first goes so much deeper than just a time slot on your calendar.

Putting yourself first includes following through on your promises to yourself as the highest priority.

It includes talking to yourself, with your inner critic, in a way that builds you up rather than tears you down or makes you feel small.

Here you can embark on a whole journey of re-training your brain to run a new narrative. To speak a new story that inspires you. To see where you create your own limitations, if you’re open to it.

It also includes checking in with your body throughout the day to make sure you’re hydrated, breathing, and comfortable.

It’s creating space for yourself, first and foremost, so you feel supported and confident in creating space for others. So you don’t leave interactions feeling drained, derailed, or emotionally exasperated.

It’s times like these when I decide to leverage my own content. My IG posts, my masterclasses.

So I decided to take my own masterclass, again, to get back into the flow of putting myself first.

Truthfully, I’m still practicing it, still working it, and still getting it right in this season of my life.

As I continue moving through this season, I know that I can count on the content in my classes, because I know that ultimately, I am speaking to me.

I am speaking to anyone who needs support – because I know that feeling off your game can feel so lonely.

If you’re anything like me, you tend to close off when you’re struggling. Whether you want to work through it yourself or you just don’t feel like you have the support, or maybe you don’t even know how to express what you’re feeling…

Know that I am always here for you. I am always holding space for you.

And, I’ll see you in class.

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